When I started my journey a year ago I began the process with a 21 Day Consciousness Cleanse from DailyOm. It was three weeks of learning, growth and, often, tears. I had to acknowledge some hard truths about myself with the willingness to accept blame when it was due AND to release blame that was not mine to claim. In the end there were three main things that kept coming up ~ self-forgiveness, releasing the past and learning to thank myself,
Self-forgiveness is one of those things that is hard for a lot of us. How can we forgive ourselves if we are not willing to look at what we’re forgiving ourselves for? We have a hard time looking into the past or too deeply at ourselves because the introspection often leads to feeling guilt and shame. Why? We did it (or didn’t do it), it’s in the past and it’s done. We cannot change the past, but we have the opportunity to change the future. If we do not not forgive ourselves for our mistakes and missteps we can’t use the past as an opportunity to learn how to create a better future.
Notice how much I mention the past in the previous paragraph. During my consciousness cleanse I wrote that ‘the past felt like a ball and chain, and smelled like a garbage dump’. Strong, right? Even now my stomach clenches a little and I feel myself tearing up. What I realized was that the past, or my actions of the past, led back to one experience for which I held absolutely no blame, but because I had not forgiven myself there was a lost little girl inside of me. What I had to do was mourn for that little girl and all that she had lost so she could be laid to rest. By realizing this I was able to, for the first the time, truly cry for what I had lost.
Last, I had to learn how to acknowledge and thank myself. My lack of self-forgiveness and shame for my past had made it hard for me to acknowledge what was internally and externally beautiful about myself. I was proud of my achievements and appreciated by friends/family, but when asked to thank myself I drew a blank on what to thank myself for. Somehow, in my mind, all that I did ~ for clients, for friends, for family ~ was just what you’re supposed to do. Even though I knew others didn’t live by the same rule I did not view my contribution to the world as a thing of value…which means I didn’t view myself as a thing or person of value. Umphhh!
These three lessons and so many others over the course of the 21 days opened my eyes to MY TRUTH. Your story, her story or his story are not my story, and previously even my own story was not be made up of the truth. Finding your truth and whittling away your mythology will help you to be the best for yourself and those around you.
What self truths have you learned recently?